Taking it one step at a time..
SHOCK & DENIAL..CHECK!
Did I react in disbelief? Yes!
Did I deny the reality to avoid the pain I was about to go through? Yes!
PAIN & GUILT....CHECK!
My shock wore off....the tears dried...and was in unbelievable pain. How could someone you thought you knew do such a thing?
I could not escape the pain....well at least I didn't resort to any drugs or alcohol. =) I'm still good...
I began to check myself. What did I do? Did I make this happen? Sure...I will be the first to say...there is no such thing as a perfect marriage, but damn, I mean we did take vows.
How can I save this marriage?
Life was really chaotic for a brief moment and very scary. However...I have to remind myself...that GOD is on my side.
ANGER & BARGAINING....CHHHHEEEECKKK!!!!
Frustration gave way to anger! Yall I was doin things that I wouldn't even think I would do...completely out of my character. But you know sometimes love will make you do some crazy things.
DEPRESSION, REFLECTION, LONELINESS...not sure I was at a state of Depression...my mama wouldn't allow that mess. Reflection, YES! Loneliness? Umm..maybe a little.
Just when I think I am getting back on track, he does some silly crap, just immature crap that makes me that much more angry! And really wanting me to get on with this...and do what I gotta do! I am rally trying to deal with this...I have my good days and most definitely have my bad days.
THE UPWARD TURN....this is what I am looking forward to. As you start to adjust to my new life without the man I have had by my side HALF my life, I am hoping things become calmer and more organized. I am hoping that my physical symptoms lessen, and my blah attitude begin to lift slightly.
RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH....looking forward to this too! Looking forward to not letting his silly butt bother me anymore. As I become more functional I hope my mind starts to work again in ways it did before. I intend to find myself seeking realistic solutions to problems brought forth with this huge life changing moment. I will begin to focus harder on my beautiful little girl, myself, and reconstructing myself as a whole.
ACCEPTANCE & HOPE....With GOD I know there is hope! I expect nothing more..nothing less! I do realize that everything is in Gods hands and he will carry me through this nasty mud. Carry me Lord....I know you will never give me nothing I cannot handle, that's what YOU said...and I trust in you and believe in you. Make it happen captain!
I will once again have good times and make new memories. This little girl keeps me going each and every day, her smile and little laugh embraces my soul in every way imaginable. Thank you GOD for giving me something out of this loss.
I will get through this...I know I will.
1 day ago